


His Angel, His Grace

by SuperPsych99



Category: Supernatural
Genre: After 15x18, Canon Compliant, Destiel - Freeform, Hugs so many hugs, IT’S CANON GUYS, Love Confessions, M/M, Sam comforting Dean, Spoilers, dean and cas are in love, dean being sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:29:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27446410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperPsych99/pseuds/SuperPsych99
Summary: Dean’s thoughts, and the aftermath of 15x18.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Jack Kline & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 95





	His Angel, His Grace

**Author's Note:**

> So this episode broke me, and I will never be okay again. So I wrote this angsty one shot to try and deal with it. So many mixed feelings during. I was absolutely ecstatic that Destiel became canon, but so heartbroken they Cas died immediately after. 
> 
> This is my first time writing a Supernatural fic, so I hope that you all like it and that I got the characters down pretty good.

He could still hear the pounding on the door, even though it had ended long ago. 

He could still feel Cas’s hand on his shoulder, could still hear his voice in his head. 

_ I love you  _

The concrete was cold and hard beneath him as he sat there and wept. Wept for what could have been, for what should have been, if he hadn’t been so fucking stupid. 

Cas  _ loved  _ him. Cas had stared right into eyes-right into his soul- and declared as his dying words that he loved him. And Dean hated him for it. 

_ You stupid son of a bitch  _ he though angrily  _ Why did you do it? Why did you sacrifice yourself for me? Why did you tell me you loved me only to leave me?  _ He choked back more sobs as his phone rang again and again, Sam’s number flashing across the screen. He knows he should answer, that Sam probably needs him. But he couldn’t talk to Sam right now. He’s not even sure he could talk if he tried. 

_ He’s gone. The love of my life is gone.  _ And he did love Cas, with every fiber of his being. He had loved Cas for a long time. But he never thought Cas had actually loved him back. And he was okay with it, because he knew Cas had deserved better. Better than him, with his angry destructive tendencies, and inability to express emotions properly. 

_ You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know  _ Cas had said  _ And knowing you has changed me.  _ Dean hadn’t even known how to react to that. All he could do was stare, the gears in his mind trying to figure out why Cas was saying this, how he could say this. How Cas could really think that about him. He had barely had time to process before Cas had said goodbye, and had been swallowed up by the empty. Before he was gone for good. 

_ He’s gone. He’s gone and I’ll never be able to tell him-he’ll never know that I love him to.  _ And that was the worst part. That Cas had died not knowing that Dean loved him to.  _ Why didn’t I just say it?  _ So Dean just sat on the cold, hard concrete floor, holding his hand over the spot where Cas’s handprint had burned into his jacket.  _ Exactly like it did when he rescued me from hell _ He thought mournfully. And Cas had saved him in more ways than one. He hadn’t just saved him from actual hell, but from the hell brewing in his mind. Cas said that knowing Dean had changed him, but knowing Cas had changed Dean just as much. Cas had shown Dean that he wasn’t just some broken shell of a man, destined to be alone forever, but that he could be loved. 

_ How could that selfish son of a bitch think that I could live without him? How could he-he could he just leave me?  _ So he sat, and he cried until there were no tears left. He wasn’t sure how long he was there, but the next sound he heard was his name being called. 

“Dean!” he heard Sam call out “Cas!”  _ They don’t know he’s gone. How am I supposed to tell them he’s gone?  _ He couldn’t make himself get up, he couldn’t make himself answer them. 

“Cas!” he heard Jack call, and sent a silent thanks that Jack was still alive. He waited as they walked throughout the bunker calling his name, they would find him eventually. A few minutes later, he heard soft footsteps padding towards the door. Too soft to be Sam’s. He felt bad that they would have to find him like this. He was supposed to be the strong one, the one that protected and supported his family, but Dean just couldn’t do it anymore. He was tired of having to be strong. 

“Dean?” Jack opened the door and stared at him, looking confused “Dean, are you alright? Where’s Cas?” More tears slid down Dean’s cheeks. Apparently he wasn’t out of tears to cry after all. “Sam!” Jack yelled, looked scared and confused. Dean knew Jack had never seen him like this before. Sam came rushing in and took one look at Dean, eyes widening in shock. 

“Dean?” his brother slid down beside him “Dean, everyone’s gone. Chuck made everyone else in the world disappear.” 

“Cas is gone,” He finally choked out, having spoken for the first time since it happened. 

“What-how?” Was all Sam could say, looking shocked and confused at the same time. Jack mirrored his expression over by the doorway. 

“He sacrificed himself-for me. Billie was coming and she was going to kill us both. We were supposed to die. But Cas summoned the empty and it took them both.” 

“How? Why would the empty take Cas?” 

“The deal-” Jack says, emotion weaving into his voice “Cas made a deal to save me. In exchange for my life, the empty would take him when he was at his happiest.” He looked lost and on the verge of tears. 

“But-what was his happiest? How was this him being happy?” Sam asks. 

“He said he loved me, Sammy,” Dean said simply as an answer “He said he loved me and then he was gone, and I never said it back. He’ll never know that I love him too.” 

“I’m so sorry, Dean.” Sam’s eyes do the puppy dog thing and suddenly he’s wrapping Dean in a hug. He didn’t even seem that surprised-but then again Sam always knew. He had always somehow known that Dean loves Cas, without Dean ever saying it. “I’m sure he knew. I’m sure Cas knew.” Was all Sam said, and Dean sobbed in his arms, gripping his brother’s jacket so tight he thought he might rip it. He knew that they were surprised by his current state. He was always one to hide his emotions, to push them down so deep until it broke him. But look where that had gotten him. 

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Jack’s voice breaks through his breakdown “This is my fault, Cas did this because of me.” At that Dean carefully lets go of Sam, his brother’s eyes boring into him, asking him if he’s okay. He carefully pushes himself up off the floor and walks toward Jack. He can do this. He may have not told Cas how he feels, but he can tell Jack. This is what Cas would have wanted, this was their family, their son. 

“It’s not your fault,” he says, coming up to cup the side of Jack’s face “It was never your fault. Cas did what he thought he had to. He saved you, and I know he doesn’t regret it for a second. And neither do I. Because you are our family too, Jack. I haven’t been fair to you. I haven’t seen clearly, but I do now. You are part of this family, and we are going to take care of you. Because that’s what families do. We are going to take care of each other, and we are going to defeat Chuck. That bastard will not win. We are going to get everybody back.” He finishes determinedly, because he knows it’s true. Chuck will not, and cannot win. They are the Winchesters and they will not be beaten. 

“Including Cas,” Jack replies, his eyes filled with tears of sadness and tears of joy from Dean’s words “I’m getting Cas back for you.” A lump grows in Dean’s throat and he pulls the kid into a hug, Sam joining in. 

“Let’s go beat God’s ass,” Dean remarks, after pulling himself out of the hug. 

“For Cas,” Jack starts

“For Cas,” Sam says quietly. 

“For you, angel,” Dean mutters looking up, hoping that wherever Cas is, he can hear them.  _ I’m coming to save you, no matter what. Wait for me, Cas, I’m coming.  _ And with that, the three people left in the world, the one family left on this earth, get to work. 


End file.
